I'm in a weird space right now... I feel like I'm letting people down and I don't like that feeling...
I feel like I need to put happier things on my blog too... I need to incorporate my quilts, my cooking, my friends, more of my life. I should blog more from home than work... It's hard to get pictures of what I'm doing from work when none of my pictures are on my work computer.
I have to say that the last few days I have been in a funk. I don't know if it's hormones or not, but I'm having that feeling again of just wanting to curl up and being alone. Let me correct myself, curling up and being alone or with Tim. He make me feel safe and comforted, even if I'm driving him crazy at times.
I need to find my center again, my place where I'm happy again. I need to start on my next quilt soon... Quilting makes me feel so together and happy. I love to create. I loved making a dinner from a cookbook the other night too....
I'm going to post more later from home when I can put pictures on... I need to jazz this blog up!!!!!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Pondering Faith with a Friend
So I've been reading my devotional that I got a few months ago... I got Brigitte the same one and we are suppose to get together once a week and talk about what we read and how it fits into our lives and how we are living with the Word of God.
I've decided that it's easier to write down my responses and make it more permanent so that I can come back to it and revisit them.
So this week was about balance in your everyday life and your faith. It struggle with balance just because I live and work with people that don't necessarily believe the same as I do. I'm not too sure if I believe as much as my other Christian friends... But, nonetheless I'm trying... There are conversation and comments that happen day to day that allow others to determine my feelings on my faith and my relationship with God. I'm trying to keep it straight.
I also struggle with the expectation of others. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing this whole "getting to know God" thing correctly. I'm not even sure if there is a correct way to go about it. I know that I have deep convictions about certain things and there are other times where I feel like I'm not meeting the expectations of those around me when it comes to learning more about God and his Word.
I am constantly trying to please everyone... I would call it a character flaw of mine. I know that it's not possible and I constantly am trying to work on it, but sometimes it's a uphill battle. I tried once to go with the motto "does that make Kate happy?" That didn't work too long because what I have realized is that I really enjoy making others happy. I make others happy at times even if it doesn't make me happy. It's not easy and it's not fun. I'm learning to deal with this and I'm willing to hear any suggestions on how to do this better.
Lastly about worrying.... I have learned a lot about worry. I use to be a worry wart as my Mom use to say. She always would tell me to think "happy thoughts" and to be honest it has helped in my adult life. I'm on the path of thinking that everything will work out in the end. I'm a believer in God has a plan and he will help me get through it. I try not to let worry control my life and it's been working well for me!
So, this is my blog of the day.... I'm hoping to write more often and maybe not all about my devotional... This is what you're getting right now though :)
I've decided that it's easier to write down my responses and make it more permanent so that I can come back to it and revisit them.
So this week was about balance in your everyday life and your faith. It struggle with balance just because I live and work with people that don't necessarily believe the same as I do. I'm not too sure if I believe as much as my other Christian friends... But, nonetheless I'm trying... There are conversation and comments that happen day to day that allow others to determine my feelings on my faith and my relationship with God. I'm trying to keep it straight.
I also struggle with the expectation of others. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing this whole "getting to know God" thing correctly. I'm not even sure if there is a correct way to go about it. I know that I have deep convictions about certain things and there are other times where I feel like I'm not meeting the expectations of those around me when it comes to learning more about God and his Word.
I am constantly trying to please everyone... I would call it a character flaw of mine. I know that it's not possible and I constantly am trying to work on it, but sometimes it's a uphill battle. I tried once to go with the motto "does that make Kate happy?" That didn't work too long because what I have realized is that I really enjoy making others happy. I make others happy at times even if it doesn't make me happy. It's not easy and it's not fun. I'm learning to deal with this and I'm willing to hear any suggestions on how to do this better.
Lastly about worrying.... I have learned a lot about worry. I use to be a worry wart as my Mom use to say. She always would tell me to think "happy thoughts" and to be honest it has helped in my adult life. I'm on the path of thinking that everything will work out in the end. I'm a believer in God has a plan and he will help me get through it. I try not to let worry control my life and it's been working well for me!
So, this is my blog of the day.... I'm hoping to write more often and maybe not all about my devotional... This is what you're getting right now though :)
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Faith
"Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible." --Corrie Ten Boom
"You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to the is mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." Matthew 17:20-21
Growing in my faith and my relationship with God.... I'm starting slow, I'm reading, absorbing, and listening. I feel like a sponge right now and I feel like sometimes I get very overwhelmed. I feel torn at times, but I feel like I can maintain the balance. It's not an easy thing to do when there is someone at home who questions faith at times, yet is understanding of faith.
FUNNY, I should mention balance... the next week in my devotional is about balance!
"You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to the is mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." Matthew 17:20-21
Growing in my faith and my relationship with God.... I'm starting slow, I'm reading, absorbing, and listening. I feel like a sponge right now and I feel like sometimes I get very overwhelmed. I feel torn at times, but I feel like I can maintain the balance. It's not an easy thing to do when there is someone at home who questions faith at times, yet is understanding of faith.
FUNNY, I should mention balance... the next week in my devotional is about balance!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Her...
I made her..she is different. She is unique. With LOVE I formed her in her mother's womb.
I fashioned her with great joy. I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her.
(Psalm 139: 13-16)
I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh. And the silly things she says and
does. She brings me great pleasure. This is how I made her.
(Psalm 139: 1-6)
I made her pretty and not beautiful, because I knew her heart and knew she would be vain....
I wanted her to search out her heart and learn that it would be ME in her that would make her
beautiful...and it would be ME in her that would draw friends to her.
(1 Peter 3:3-5)
I made her in such a way, that she would need me. I made her a little more lonesome than
she would like to be...Only because I need for her to learn to depend on me...I know her heart,
I know if I had not made her like this she would go her own chosen way and forget me...her creator.
(Psalm 62:5-8)
I have given her many good and happy things..because I love her. Because I love her, I have
also broken her heart..and the tears she has cried alone I have cried with her, and had a broken
heart too.
(Psalm 56:8)
Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone, only because she would not hold my hand. So
many lessons she's learned the hard way because she would not listen to my voice...
(Isaiah 41:13)
So many times I have sat back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone only to watch her
return to My arms, sad and broken.
(Isaiah 65:2)
And now she is mine again...I made her, and then I bought her..Because I love her.
(Romans 5:8)
I have to reshape and mold her..to renew her to what I have planned for her to be. It has not
been easy for her or for me.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
I want her to be conformed to My Image..this high goal I have set for her, because I Love Her.
(2 Corinthians 2:14)
I fashioned her with great joy. I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her.
(Psalm 139: 13-16)
I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh. And the silly things she says and
does. She brings me great pleasure. This is how I made her.
(Psalm 139: 1-6)
I made her pretty and not beautiful, because I knew her heart and knew she would be vain....
I wanted her to search out her heart and learn that it would be ME in her that would make her
beautiful...and it would be ME in her that would draw friends to her.
(1 Peter 3:3-5)
I made her in such a way, that she would need me. I made her a little more lonesome than
she would like to be...Only because I need for her to learn to depend on me...I know her heart,
I know if I had not made her like this she would go her own chosen way and forget me...her creator.
(Psalm 62:5-8)
I have given her many good and happy things..because I love her. Because I love her, I have
also broken her heart..and the tears she has cried alone I have cried with her, and had a broken
heart too.
(Psalm 56:8)
Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone, only because she would not hold my hand. So
many lessons she's learned the hard way because she would not listen to my voice...
(Isaiah 41:13)
So many times I have sat back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone only to watch her
return to My arms, sad and broken.
(Isaiah 65:2)
And now she is mine again...I made her, and then I bought her..Because I love her.
(Romans 5:8)
I have to reshape and mold her..to renew her to what I have planned for her to be. It has not
been easy for her or for me.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
I want her to be conformed to My Image..this high goal I have set for her, because I Love Her.
(2 Corinthians 2:14)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Feeling Good
Last night was more than I could have imagined... I first have to thank Brigitte once again for inviting me to third Wednesday at Rock Harbor. I feel like my heart is opening up and letting the Love pour in.
I must start by saying, that I have been very hesitant about opening my heart to God again through a different church. Being a catholic, I feel like I'm doing something wrong by going to another non-catholic church. I've decided to let that not bother me anymore. I need to open my heart and let God in.
Third Wednesday was such a wonderful experience. I love the singing the most, I love to sing and let it all out.... I feel that it's a great outlet and first step to letting God know that I'm here and I'm ready.
I felt moved with what was said last night as well... Matthew 9:36-38 talks about how Jesus had compassion for those who did not know him and how they were like sheep without a shepherd. I feel like I'm a sheep and I can see my shepherd, but I keep him just far enough away that I know that he is there and I can see him, but I haven't let him get to close lately.
I'm ready to discover... I'm ready to learn... I'm ready to let His LOVE in!
As a side note, I'm going to try and be better about posting all my feelings, even the unpopular ones or the ones that I'm having a hard time vocalizing.
That being said, starting to let God in scares me a little because I'm not sure how Tim is going to react. He's a wonderful boyfriend and I know that he will be supportive, but it's always hard for me because I'm not sure how to approach him with religon.
I must start by saying, that I have been very hesitant about opening my heart to God again through a different church. Being a catholic, I feel like I'm doing something wrong by going to another non-catholic church. I've decided to let that not bother me anymore. I need to open my heart and let God in.
Third Wednesday was such a wonderful experience. I love the singing the most, I love to sing and let it all out.... I feel that it's a great outlet and first step to letting God know that I'm here and I'm ready.
I felt moved with what was said last night as well... Matthew 9:36-38 talks about how Jesus had compassion for those who did not know him and how they were like sheep without a shepherd. I feel like I'm a sheep and I can see my shepherd, but I keep him just far enough away that I know that he is there and I can see him, but I haven't let him get to close lately.
I'm ready to discover... I'm ready to learn... I'm ready to let His LOVE in!
As a side note, I'm going to try and be better about posting all my feelings, even the unpopular ones or the ones that I'm having a hard time vocalizing.
That being said, starting to let God in scares me a little because I'm not sure how Tim is going to react. He's a wonderful boyfriend and I know that he will be supportive, but it's always hard for me because I'm not sure how to approach him with religon.
Monday, December 15, 2008
A new day... A new week
I must start by saying.... I had a GREAT weekend. It's so nice to just be home and not have any worries or be bothered by a thing.
Here's a recap of the weekend. Friday was date night with Gonzo, since Tim had to work. We had sushi at Kanpai and then went to see Twilight.
I have to admit, the movie was okay. I have said this a few times in the last couple of days and I'm going to say it again. I can understand why young teenage girls like this movie. It's the fantasy that prince charming is going to come and save you. Life is so much more complicated than that, but I remember when I was in high school Titanic came out and I'm sure I was the same way. Gonzo and I laughed the whole way through the movie, and actually got rathered annoyed at the constant giggles and whispering of the lines from the girls behind us.
Saturday I didn't wake up until 10:30am. Which was BEAUTIFUL! I love sleeping in, and I love that Tim lets me sleep until I feel the need to get up. He's a keeper on that alone! After I made us breakfast I went and finished up some last minute Christmas shopping and sent out my Christmas cards. I feel like I accomplished so much. Oh, did I mention that I found a killer deal at HOBIE
I got my brother and Tim clothes. In total I got two pairs of board shorts, two pairs of pants, five shirts, and a pair of shoes for $220. I was so impressed with my find! I was told by the girl at the store that they have the sale all the time. They also have great girly clothes. I think I'm going to go back to shop for myself after the new year.
Saturday night just got better though... Gonzo came over with the neighbors and we started drinking and watching TV. Brigitte showed up after her Christmas party as well as Tim's friend Justin. We drank and played Rockband until four in the morning. I was impressed I could stay up that late!
As a side note... I really like Tim's friend Justin, but I get a little nervous/insecure when he's around now. He recently or currently is going through a divorce, and he's has this life that is free. I'm worried that Tim will find it very appealling and want the same. I know it sounds silly but I worry about these things. Tim and I talked about it and rest assure, I have nothing to fear.
Sunday, was funday.... I slept until 11:00am, got up and watched Chargers football which was amazing. Did the laundry, cooked, and then went to see The Day the Earth Stood Still. Another bummer of a movie. I'm not a huge sci-fi fan but I can usually get through them. I thought it was corny an Keanu plays the same glassed over look character.
Now, here is to a new day and a new week. I'm happier this week than last which is always good for the heart. It's rainy out and I wish I were home snuggled up in a blanket on the couch with Tim. A girl's gotta make a living though, so I'm out stomping through the water waiting for three o'clock to come.
Here's a recap of the weekend. Friday was date night with Gonzo, since Tim had to work. We had sushi at Kanpai and then went to see Twilight.
I have to admit, the movie was okay. I have said this a few times in the last couple of days and I'm going to say it again. I can understand why young teenage girls like this movie. It's the fantasy that prince charming is going to come and save you. Life is so much more complicated than that, but I remember when I was in high school Titanic came out and I'm sure I was the same way. Gonzo and I laughed the whole way through the movie, and actually got rathered annoyed at the constant giggles and whispering of the lines from the girls behind us.
Saturday I didn't wake up until 10:30am. Which was BEAUTIFUL! I love sleeping in, and I love that Tim lets me sleep until I feel the need to get up. He's a keeper on that alone! After I made us breakfast I went and finished up some last minute Christmas shopping and sent out my Christmas cards. I feel like I accomplished so much. Oh, did I mention that I found a killer deal at HOBIE
I got my brother and Tim clothes. In total I got two pairs of board shorts, two pairs of pants, five shirts, and a pair of shoes for $220. I was so impressed with my find! I was told by the girl at the store that they have the sale all the time. They also have great girly clothes. I think I'm going to go back to shop for myself after the new year.
Saturday night just got better though... Gonzo came over with the neighbors and we started drinking and watching TV. Brigitte showed up after her Christmas party as well as Tim's friend Justin. We drank and played Rockband until four in the morning. I was impressed I could stay up that late!
As a side note... I really like Tim's friend Justin, but I get a little nervous/insecure when he's around now. He recently or currently is going through a divorce, and he's has this life that is free. I'm worried that Tim will find it very appealling and want the same. I know it sounds silly but I worry about these things. Tim and I talked about it and rest assure, I have nothing to fear.
Sunday, was funday.... I slept until 11:00am, got up and watched Chargers football which was amazing. Did the laundry, cooked, and then went to see The Day the Earth Stood Still. Another bummer of a movie. I'm not a huge sci-fi fan but I can usually get through them. I thought it was corny an Keanu plays the same glassed over look character.
Now, here is to a new day and a new week. I'm happier this week than last which is always good for the heart. It's rainy out and I wish I were home snuggled up in a blanket on the couch with Tim. A girl's gotta make a living though, so I'm out stomping through the water waiting for three o'clock to come.
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